He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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