Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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