Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Im part way to drunk.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
