how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
