Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
