he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
