So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize