ugly people sure do ruin things
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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