Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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