i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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