do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
