ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
