I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
