I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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