Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
