Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
