i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I fill condoms, not promises.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
