I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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