I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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