listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Randomize
