Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
