I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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