??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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