so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
