how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
