don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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