and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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