Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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