I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
