Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
