I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
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He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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