I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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