take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
