you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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