what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
