I accidentally burped into my bong.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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