Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
