I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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