After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
