Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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