what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
