Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
