we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
