I hate your face
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
