my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
