Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
