Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
