We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
