omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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