Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
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I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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