Your mouth is God's brothel.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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