My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
