I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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