She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
