I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
