The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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