At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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