So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
