I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
