I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
