I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
