His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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