I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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