sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
