dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
