now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
