In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
