I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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