yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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