OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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