my vag is so smooth its legendary
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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