I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
