How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
porn star boner night. come get it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
