i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
