I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
