i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
