so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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