if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
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Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
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I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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