can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
