I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
my poor anus
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
