I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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