Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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