Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
